Balancing the Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship
Being a gay man approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, largely enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I start seeing any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men once more.
Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment
I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous homosexual males have open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed demanding, often causing lots of heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire a partner to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I fear the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just continue to have casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling a bit lost.
Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate various forms of intimate connections in a finite way. What you need in your current state may well change down the road; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. One day you might meet someone offering a life-changing chance for you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about the future and playing endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment with your partners, and recognize the worth of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear.
- The psychotherapist practices as a American psychotherapist who specialises in treating intimacy issues.
