The Words shared by A Parent That Saved Me during my time as a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of being a father.

But the reality rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her main carer as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a healthy space. You require assistance. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a larger reluctance to talk amongst men, who often hold onto harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a show of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a respite - taking a few days abroad, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my role is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."